jealousy

Dedicated to a friend that was never really a friend

jealousy :a feeling of jealous envy, is what the dictionary defines it as.



you look at me with smiles yet my name was just on your lips
we laugh togehter yet you were just laughing at me
we hang out yet all you do is complain about why we don't hang out anymore
you hate me so much that i am what consumes your life, drives your exsistences ,your next breath, your next heart beat, your next thought
i am what keeps you thriving knowing that you have someone to put all your self anger and self hate on
i am not going to change who i am for anyone and exspecially not a true friend like you
all the light i have in my life the few good things i have to hold on to are sucked out by you and your negativity when your around
when we talk it's never "how are you", "whats up", it's "did you hear about so and so" , or "these are my problems stop what your doing and listen to me"
but when i have problems you hear them but you never listen you have the words pass through one ear and out the other
your expression shows that your not really there even though you agree and say "o yeah" to everything i say
the nights i hurt you were never there to offer your shoulder
we were suppose to be family yet i was never good enough for you consider me a brother
i became occuppied with being happy and that was a bad thing to you
i choose not to sulk in the misery of my life but change it and you hated me for that
i choose to not be angry anymore but to forgive myself and that was a weak move
i wanted to not wake up in the morning regretting that i had woken up and i was being stupid
i was tired of hating the world for being stuck in a family and a world i didn't belong to yet all you did was complain about how you felt a lil unhappy and depressed in your perfect life
a true friend would not have hated me for who i was becoming but would of supported me the whole way
a true friend would not be jealous of my happiness but want to bathe in it with me
a true friend would of been there through thick and thin
we parted our ways and drifted because I made the choice too that blame is on me
but i made that choice because i could no longer hate who i was or who i was becoming
and because you left me no other choice to choose from
comments appreciated